Eliot was asking a religious question about man’s quest for wisdom and his fear of inauthenticity; we want to know about test scores. Leave them blank to get signed up.

The rest of the class imitated the press corps and asked questions about her private life, most of them containing the kind of guffawing sexual innuendo familiar to watchers of Johnny Carson. It drives out dedicated people, rewards incompetence, and wastes millions of dollars. It drives out dedicated people, rewards incompetence, and wastes millions of dollars.

Back in 1974 the agency was showing some faint stirrings of life before then attorney general John Hill handed down one of the more peculiar rulings to come out of his office. One was that the course was clearly, if not intentionally, set up so that it required a minimum of outside work, kept professors off the griddle on the question of literacy, and was virtually impossible to fail. I’m teaching a methods course for students who will be teaching high school English in a year or two. There is no test, no qualifying exam. The obvious proposition that values are relative has been warped to signify the opposite of what it really means: that some facts and ideas are more important than others. Judging from what students told me, maintaining a 2.0, or C, average at SWT, which is what is required for entry into the teacher-certification program, seems to be no harder than at the University of Houston or any of the other schools that produce the vast majority of Texas’ teachers.A social-studies teaching prospect bunched the entire class into a corner to demonstrate the presumed discomforts of overcrowding. Smart kids with good high school records avoid teacher training.Everybody has a suspect: integration, segregation, permissiveness, regimentation, the Viet Nam War, drugs, television, divorce, the suburbs, the inner city—everything but sunspots and the phases of the moon. The only incapacity really being protected is the Educationists’. “Not really,” answered the boy. It is simple: all public colleges, and all their divisions and departments, get their operating budgets from the state according to formulas based almost entirely upon the number of students enrolled.

Thus were invented “coach’s liquid pizza” (by the tennis instructor), “spray-on peanut butter,” and “condensed water.” What these students were good at, I began to see, was imitating television skits, since that is where they are getting the bulk of their real education. Everybody was having a grand time, and why not?

By quoting him, the NEA seeks a classy way to preserve that most sanctified of Educationist principles, that of the Whole Child. Since identifying the folly of a semester-long graduate driver education course would be no more difficult than finding a drunk in a roadhouse on Saturday night, I decided to stick to undergraduate classes required of everyone hoping to become certified.If anything, the impetus is moving the other way, toward more specialization and more education courses, away from basic knowledge. SMU was next with 73. What would such a difference in scores mean? Walking around on a sunny spring day, I could not help but be struck by the juxtaposition of the institution’s monolithic new architecture—hermetically sealed buildings looking as though they were designed to withstand nuclear attack—and the fact that every inch of unshaded grass was covered with roasting young women in bikinis. A recent study at the University of Houston reported that during the spring semester of 1977, the secondary education department awarded A’s to 76.5 per cent of the students in its courses. In those rare instances where written work is given, grammar, punctuation, and style are seen to be the business of the English department alone. I began to wonder if I had not wandered into a class for stand-up comedians. More and more blacks and Mexican Americans are rejecting the notion that basic standards constitute cultural bias. Everybody was getting an A, or at worst a B.Perhaps our ancestors were wiser than we are. In an attempt to overcome this problem, Blythe and Williamson sometimes distribute what they call “role-playing cards,” which direct the recipients to act up in a childlike manner (is there a card somewhere reading URINATE IN YOUR CHAIR? I asked Williamson if something like that would not make more sense. The business of teacher education in Texas—as everywhere else in America—is a shame, a mammoth and very expensive swindle of the public interest, a hoax, and an intellectual disgrace. It offers 27 different undergraduate and graduate degrees, most of them with specialized options that make a student’s choices seem almost exponential. On tactics. The purpose is not to get better teachers, it’s to get more money, more contact hours, and bigger buildings for the colleges.”Because the students on the tape were not real kids, but college students pretending to be kids, the whole exercise had an air of “let’s pretend,” like sorority sisters rehearsing a skit for rush week.

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